Well, someone around has to start acting normal

We have a new boss at the Wub, and frankly its a little disconcerting. So far New Guy is a tough read. I am already naturally disposed to paranoia, and I am told that it is not just me, so it has been pretty quiet around here lately. He's been here four days and so far we still all tiptoe. Which I believe is unfair to him. Like wearing Spanx on a first casual date: he may as well know what he's getting.

I finally elected myself to go on and ask "Are we to call you New or Mr. Guy? What is your preference? Because you may have noticed that no one has directly addressed you all week."

Which he found kind of amusing (I think). We are to call him New unless there are members standing around who would find that uppity. "Good Morning, New", but "Mr. Guy is in his office, let me see if he's available."

Fair enough.

THIS WEEKS EXCITING NEW WAY IN WHICH I AM A BADASS:
We worked out in a tornado last night!

Well, just a warning but still...

We were at the middle school and had just gotten back from our run when the sirens went off and right away the intersom came on: "All students please come inside and seek shelter". So we grabbed our handweights and went into the girls locker room for the evening. It was very nostalgic: the hallways reeked of angst and I was surrounded by girls who were tougher than me.

Next Wednesday is bring a friend to boot camp day. It would be exciting if I had a friend...at least not a LAZY SLACK ASS FRIEND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE SMOKE-Y Mc-HUFF-N-PUFF.

How tremendously exciting!

• I have an arch-nemesis!
  
  I've decided to call him an arch nemesis because its more satisfying than him simply being an unmitigated pain in my ass.
  
  Between the time I left last night and the time I got in this morning I got seven emails from the person who arranges our monthly Speaker Series. Our STUPID, BORING, UN-SELLABLE speaker series to which no one comes because its career day for retired people and SUCKS.

Apparently the fact that no one comes to the Speaker Series is because:

• I don't personally call him every time we get a new reservation so he can personally contact them and tell them to bring a friend (also known as STALKING)
• I don't do the website right (It should be where the story about the new fitness equipment is (REALLY? on the FITNESS PAGE?) Well, then it should be on the top of the dining page (Even though tomorrow is VALENTINE'S DAY?)
• I don't send emails right (It should be the lead story on EVERYTHING! It should probably be my SIGNATURE!)
• There is no such thing as a list of members who work in banking or investments and it is a mark of how unhelpful I am that I will not start making one immediately (For an event that is in two business days.)
• I am personally "insufficiently invested in the success of this project (Because I suggested that an exciting speech from the VP of External Affairs from Atlanta Gas Light (A TICKET THAT SELLS ITSELF!) is a tough one to market.)
  
  MR. SPEAKER SERIES CAN EAT A BAG OF DICKS!!! When I answer the phone and hear his voice, or check my email and see his name (7 TIMES) or see him walking up, I literally get that feeling in my stomach like where you tip too far back in your chair and then catch yourself at the last minute. He literally makes me want to puke. And he called 5 times yesterday, emailed 7 TIMES overnight, and had called twice before lunch.
  
  Which I spent in the bar, making nice with my friendly members and making imaginary cage matches between the regulars in my head (Mr. Snowbird cut Mrs. Bridge Widow off in the parking lot: ITS ON!)

No, here I am!

Did I really miss yesterday? No, I did not.
You just didn't see me because I am so FAST!

I ran a timed mile last night in 12:52 seconds. Boot Camp! BOOTCAMP! has made me fast and mighty.

It has not necessarily made me punctual and interesting.