Our new internet filters are hurting democracy! Our new internet filters have blocked out YouTube, which is preventing the formation of an informed electorate!
How can I know what I think about Decision 2008 if I can't see the response ad for the ad I didn't see for a senatorial race in a state that I don't live in?
Help, help, I'm being oppressed!
Oh, wait, I already voted. Step away from the internets, junkie...
Other links I could not follow this month: A picture of a haunted house (Forbidden Category: Occult) and the recipe for a Pym's cup (Forbidden Category: Alcohol/Tobacco).
I work in a Wub with four bars. I wish it was a forbidden category, especially on gameday weekends.
Evils-of-Spellcheck Update: The spell check for this blog service does not have "internet" in its dictionary.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Three observations
- The holiday versions of Reese's cups are a lot better than the regular, full size version. A better balance of chocolate to peanut butter. Also, fun foil.
- All my cosmetics today are very contrary. They are all -Defying, -Resistant, or Defense-ive. Except my mascara which is merely eye-opening.
- If I was into that type of crime, Halloween would be an excellent night for a home-invasion robbery.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I can't keep a blog
My God, people, I'm hopeless. I can't keep a blog; I over commit then I get all bored and tired of myself, and by extension tired of it, and have to disappear for a while, then I get plowed and over share, then I disappear again in embarrassment without so much as taking the time to correct the bad impression I just left. But then I come back because you've probably forgotten my bad behavior by now despite the actual evidence still out there.
I blog the way I date.
Aaaaanyway, here is something I've always liked: when you put your hair back and its still just a little damp and then later when you take the barrette or tie out you get a lovely little poof of shampoo smell. Aahhhhh.
In political news, I heard a Sarah Palin joke so inappropriate and unpleasant and evil I will never ever blog it. Please send a self-addressed, stamped envelop labeled REALLY WRONG JOKE to...
In book news, Sarah Vowell has a new book out! If you have not read Assassination Vacation run don't walk to the bookstore. Its a travel guide to the key plot points in the deaths of Lincoln, McKinley and Garfield. Oooh, fun, American history murder-style. The new one is called The Wordy Shipmates. It's about pilgrims!
Do you think that is the first time ever someone has put an exclamation point after the word "pilgrims"?
In TV news, I've been intermittently checking in on this new show about biker Meth gangs called Sons of Anarchy. Its pretty grim, but Ron Perlman is MADE OUT OF AWESOME!
In personal news there is none. Except that I discovered my crush has a girlfriend as I was playing some of the worst poker of my life. However, I also learned his best friend is not a fan of the girlfriend, so I have a secret ally.
Next month I shall get him to pass him a note after study hall.
In work news, all the crazy shit is going down at the Wub! Personnel shake ups, personnel crack-ups, and I was forcibly bonded with by one of my least favorite members at the last Bulldog Lounge. We're friends now. Because I AM SOOO SWEET. I MUST call her by her FIRST NAME. We should HANG OUT! (crazy eyes, shrill laugh, love-me subtext, back away slowly ).
Nice to chat; God only knows when I'll do this again. Perhaps after the election. Perhaps when I have recovered from the shame of being a baseball fan during this, the Worst. Post-season. Ever.
Bud Selig can eat a dick.
VOTE!
I blog the way I date.
Aaaaanyway, here is something I've always liked: when you put your hair back and its still just a little damp and then later when you take the barrette or tie out you get a lovely little poof of shampoo smell. Aahhhhh.
In political news, I heard a Sarah Palin joke so inappropriate and unpleasant and evil I will never ever blog it. Please send a self-addressed, stamped envelop labeled REALLY WRONG JOKE to...
In book news, Sarah Vowell has a new book out! If you have not read Assassination Vacation run don't walk to the bookstore. Its a travel guide to the key plot points in the deaths of Lincoln, McKinley and Garfield. Oooh, fun, American history murder-style. The new one is called The Wordy Shipmates. It's about pilgrims!
Do you think that is the first time ever someone has put an exclamation point after the word "pilgrims"?
In TV news, I've been intermittently checking in on this new show about biker Meth gangs called Sons of Anarchy. Its pretty grim, but Ron Perlman is MADE OUT OF AWESOME!
In personal news there is none. Except that I discovered my crush has a girlfriend as I was playing some of the worst poker of my life. However, I also learned his best friend is not a fan of the girlfriend, so I have a secret ally.
Next month I shall get him to pass him a note after study hall.
In work news, all the crazy shit is going down at the Wub! Personnel shake ups, personnel crack-ups, and I was forcibly bonded with by one of my least favorite members at the last Bulldog Lounge. We're friends now. Because I AM SOOO SWEET. I MUST call her by her FIRST NAME. We should HANG OUT! (crazy eyes, shrill laugh, love-me subtext, back away slowly ).
Nice to chat; God only knows when I'll do this again. Perhaps after the election. Perhaps when I have recovered from the shame of being a baseball fan during this, the Worst. Post-season. Ever.
Bud Selig can eat a dick.
VOTE!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Politics. Drunk Much?
Hello, my name is Higgins and Im an addict.
Hi Higgins!
I'm addicted to Internet coverage of the election. But tonight I had a revelation.
Live blogging the debate is tired ( not that I won't read it on Wonkette, Slate, Salon and Jezebel).. Live blogging my closing statement on the debate. When it is done. When I am trashed. Much too trashed to run the (evil) spellcheck). is illuminative.
Here is my closing statement.
In any two-party election there are ten voters. Four decided voters are for one guy. Four decided voters are for the other guy. One undecided voter is a democrat who is embarrassed to admit he (cant vote for his paty's candidate for personal reasons) is a racist. One undecided voter is so fucking retarded he will not have his pants on with the zipper in front by Novemebr 4th. And it is those two guys who will decide the next president of the United States.
So, You might ask yourself why do I try? Why why WHY? DO I TRY?
Because (no irony) I have hope. And I don't mean election year hope. Not slogan hope, a place called hope, everything is gonna be alright hope. Real Hope. Things MAKE SENSE, no matter how they turn out, hope. Deep inside we are all decent people taking care of our responsibilities and looking out for the next buck like everybody else hope, hope. I hope, i hope.
This election sucks. But my God, my God, don't we all hope? I hope, that, if as they say, Wall Street got drunk, they have now hit rock bottom? Dont we all hope, i hope, that pre-911 thinking really is pre-911 thinking? I hope, I hope, that we are all sick and fucking tired of being told its naive, and juvenile, and hopeless to talk about compassion and care and hope as if its a real thing and not a campaign device? That stewardship is a real word and not a biblical word, and more then that its an action verb?
Huge pause.
Okay, I apologize, those of you who admire me, prepare to have your idol take a hit in your eyes. But. i just got completely distracted. Because I saw on TV that Jared Fogle, the Subway spokesperson (quote Homer Simpson: "Who used to fat but now hes just ugly") is five years younger than me. BOY, my attention span is short. And not especially PIN POINT fixed these days.
Ummmm. Aaaaaanyway. Based on my reading this last week, I say Lincoln/Secretary of war Edwin Stanton, 2008? Google him, bitches! He was "the rock, upon which the waves of war crash, but do not break." I am crazy about Edwin M. Stanton!
In unrelated news, I am still single.
Zombie Edwin Stanton v. Current Sec. State Robert Gates: He-ro v. He who? I know! and we're in an actual war! Its crazy!!
Okay, in conclusion, friends don't let friends blog drunk. more to follow. And if you are undecided (if I am friends of some total fucktard) dont let me influence you. I have been strressed lately. I cried in my workout class yesterday, although that was probably plank-on-ball and not John McCain. Or maybe cancer. they all suck.
I guess Wednesday is still a work day, huh? Who's the socialist candidate again?
Hi Higgins!
I'm addicted to Internet coverage of the election. But tonight I had a revelation.
Live blogging the debate is tired ( not that I won't read it on Wonkette, Slate, Salon and Jezebel).. Live blogging my closing statement on the debate. When it is done. When I am trashed. Much too trashed to run the (evil) spellcheck). is illuminative.
Here is my closing statement.
In any two-party election there are ten voters. Four decided voters are for one guy. Four decided voters are for the other guy. One undecided voter is a democrat who is embarrassed to admit he (cant vote for his paty's candidate for personal reasons) is a racist. One undecided voter is so fucking retarded he will not have his pants on with the zipper in front by Novemebr 4th. And it is those two guys who will decide the next president of the United States.
So, You might ask yourself why do I try? Why why WHY? DO I TRY?
Because (no irony) I have hope. And I don't mean election year hope. Not slogan hope, a place called hope, everything is gonna be alright hope. Real Hope. Things MAKE SENSE, no matter how they turn out, hope. Deep inside we are all decent people taking care of our responsibilities and looking out for the next buck like everybody else hope, hope. I hope, i hope.
This election sucks. But my God, my God, don't we all hope? I hope, that, if as they say, Wall Street got drunk, they have now hit rock bottom? Dont we all hope, i hope, that pre-911 thinking really is pre-911 thinking? I hope, I hope, that we are all sick and fucking tired of being told its naive, and juvenile, and hopeless to talk about compassion and care and hope as if its a real thing and not a campaign device? That stewardship is a real word and not a biblical word, and more then that its an action verb?
Huge pause.
Okay, I apologize, those of you who admire me, prepare to have your idol take a hit in your eyes. But. i just got completely distracted. Because I saw on TV that Jared Fogle, the Subway spokesperson (quote Homer Simpson: "Who used to fat but now hes just ugly") is five years younger than me. BOY, my attention span is short. And not especially PIN POINT fixed these days.
Ummmm. Aaaaaanyway. Based on my reading this last week, I say Lincoln/Secretary of war Edwin Stanton, 2008? Google him, bitches! He was "the rock, upon which the waves of war crash, but do not break." I am crazy about Edwin M. Stanton!
In unrelated news, I am still single.
Zombie Edwin Stanton v. Current Sec. State Robert Gates: He-ro v. He who? I know! and we're in an actual war! Its crazy!!
Okay, in conclusion, friends don't let friends blog drunk. more to follow. And if you are undecided (if I am friends of some total fucktard) dont let me influence you. I have been strressed lately. I cried in my workout class yesterday, although that was probably plank-on-ball and not John McCain. Or maybe cancer. they all suck.
I guess Wednesday is still a work day, huh? Who's the socialist candidate again?
Saturday, October 4, 2008
It has been so long since we spoke...
...because Higgins has been hibernating and recuperating in a soft warm cocoon.
And now she is a beautiful, beautiful butterfly.
Holy Guacamole, this has been a horrible, horrible month. I will spare you details, but it has been really hard to write because I do not feel charming and comical; I feel like a tight little stressball of anger and bourbon, and I have been breaking one of my all time personal commandments which is to avoid self pity at all costs. I have been wallowing, I'm afraid, and it is not compelling reading. In fact, I'm bored with this post already.
Aaaaaanyway, to the bullet points!
WORDS I DON'T WANT TO SEE IN A REPUTABLE NEWSPAPER EVER AGAIN
And now she is a beautiful, beautiful butterfly.
Holy Guacamole, this has been a horrible, horrible month. I will spare you details, but it has been really hard to write because I do not feel charming and comical; I feel like a tight little stressball of anger and bourbon, and I have been breaking one of my all time personal commandments which is to avoid self pity at all costs. I have been wallowing, I'm afraid, and it is not compelling reading. In fact, I'm bored with this post already.
Aaaaaanyway, to the bullet points!
WORDS I DON'T WANT TO SEE IN A REPUTABLE NEWSPAPER EVER AGAIN
- plucky
- feisty
- folksy
DID YOU KNOW...
- ...that more doctors smoke Camels while more dentists recommend Viceroys? This according to the comprehensive cigarette ad collection from Stanford University, now on display in New York. Also, the steady nerves of the Apollo astronauts are due in large part to the calming effects of Lucky Strikes. Never mind that Apollo spacecraft were filled with 100% oxygen until the launchpad fire of 1967.
- ...decimate does not mean destroy, it merely means to reduce by 10%? Makes sense, doesn't it. Also, pristine does not mean clean and pure, it merely means in its original state. "Archaeologists today discovered the pristine site of an Early American shithole."
- ...that if someone asks you to pass the pepper you must always pass both the salt and the pepper, else you are no lady/gentleman and are unfit for polite society and MBA banquets? Its true, you uncouth cad.
- ...that George W. Bush is still the President? I know, it's crazy.
MAY WE AGREE (THE POLITICAL EDITION)...
- ...that the world is upside down when Newt Gingrich is on TV lecturing me about sexism?
- ...regardless of political affiliation, blowing kisses is unpresidential?
- ...that undecided voters (unless they are undecided between Vote and Don't Vote which I have a certain amount of sympathy for) have got to be the stupidest fucking people on the face of the planet?
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK:
- Orgy of footage of the Rays-Red Sox fight from this summer. Replay after replay of Coco Crisp deking that punch at the June fight. And it was a real fight, not 48 guys standing around while two guys pretended they were gonna scrap. Bench clearing brawl all over the ALDS? Oh I hope, I hope, I hope...
Trying to get back on track, y'all. Spare me a good thought; I could use some.
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