Sorry, I've been busy

What have you been busy with, you may ask?

• Recovering from my workout class. Oh, yes, one class. It's very awesome, but I am very out of shape. There are my triceps. I have been looking everywhere.
• Not smoking cigarettes. Although this is sort of a daily thing, and not so difficult since I discovered the trick of shoving every single other thing in my mouth.
• Dreading the arrival of what I am calling My Fourth Annual Thirty-Second Birthday. People want to buy me meals (which I am trying not to eat), buy me drinks (which make me want to smoke) or send me to Brave games (which make me want to rail and scream and weep bitter tears of frustration---Spinal Tap did not have the trouble with drummers that we are having with pitchers).
• Dicking around on line.

Yup. Busy.

So we are having this thing here at the Wub this week known as the Summer Hummer. Really. I know you are thinking "Hummer" in the modern, fellatary (? I think I made that up) sense, but turns out the logo is a hummingbird. Who knew?

Anyway, its this huge three day member-guest golf tournament and cocktail party. Picture Oktoberfest, but armed with sporting equipment. Have you ever seen a Vodka slide? If you were ever a person inclined to be intimidated by the wealthy, its reassuring to know that deep down inside they are vulgar little rednecks just like the rest of us.

The Hummer is always exhausting and always the weekend of my birthday, so lets have a moment of applause that this year I merely sit at the desk and look pretty rather than hump drinks and disdain the Vodka slide girls, which we have to contract out since one of our hiring standards is borderline self-respect.

Let's see, I made a little friend at Target last night. It's bizarre the way small children always talk to me. She thinks I should have a little girl so that I can buy her the Barbie Mermaid with silver nail polish. I told her I would get right on it.

I will wrap this up with the all time Greatest Hit of my conversation with small people. I met this small person at the Friends of the Library Book Sale this spring. Enjoy.

Child: Are you going to buy that book?

Me: I think I probably will.

I have twenty four books at home.

Wow, that's a lot of books.

Do you have more than 24 books?

Yeah, I do.

Do you have more than 50 books?

Yep.

More than 100?

Yep.

Do you have more than one...hundred...and EIGHTY TWO BOOKS?

I will bet you that I have six..hundred...books.

NUH-UH!

Yeah-huh.

(pause)How many books are on this table?

I dunno, maybe 150?

You have more than this many books?

I have 4 times this many books.

Do you have a lot of tables?

I have a lot of shelves.

I have a shelf in my bedroom and it has 24 books on it.

I have shelves in my bedroom and the TV room and the downstairs room

(interupting) My daddy has books in the BAAATHROOOM!

So does my dad. I guess Dad's do that.

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

I 've got a BUG IN MY POCKET!