And now she is a beautiful, beautiful butterfly.
Holy Guacamole, this has been a horrible, horrible month. I will spare you details, but it has been really hard to write because I do not feel charming and comical; I feel like a tight little stressball of anger and bourbon, and I have been breaking one of my all time personal commandments which is to avoid self pity at all costs. I have been wallowing, I'm afraid, and it is not compelling reading. In fact, I'm bored with this post already.
Aaaaaanyway, to the bullet points!
WORDS I DON'T WANT TO SEE IN A REPUTABLE NEWSPAPER EVER AGAIN
- plucky
- feisty
- folksy
DID YOU KNOW...
- ...that more doctors smoke Camels while more dentists recommend Viceroys? This according to the comprehensive cigarette ad collection from Stanford University, now on display in New York. Also, the steady nerves of the Apollo astronauts are due in large part to the calming effects of Lucky Strikes. Never mind that Apollo spacecraft were filled with 100% oxygen until the launchpad fire of 1967.
- ...decimate does not mean destroy, it merely means to reduce by 10%? Makes sense, doesn't it. Also, pristine does not mean clean and pure, it merely means in its original state. "Archaeologists today discovered the pristine site of an Early American shithole."
- ...that if someone asks you to pass the pepper you must always pass both the salt and the pepper, else you are no lady/gentleman and are unfit for polite society and MBA banquets? Its true, you uncouth cad.
- ...that George W. Bush is still the President? I know, it's crazy.
MAY WE AGREE (THE POLITICAL EDITION)...
- ...that the world is upside down when Newt Gingrich is on TV lecturing me about sexism?
- ...regardless of political affiliation, blowing kisses is unpresidential?
- ...that undecided voters (unless they are undecided between Vote and Don't Vote which I have a certain amount of sympathy for) have got to be the stupidest fucking people on the face of the planet?
THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO THIS WEEK:
- Orgy of footage of the Rays-Red Sox fight from this summer. Replay after replay of Coco Crisp deking that punch at the June fight. And it was a real fight, not 48 guys standing around while two guys pretended they were gonna scrap. Bench clearing brawl all over the ALDS? Oh I hope, I hope, I hope...
Trying to get back on track, y'all. Spare me a good thought; I could use some.
2 comments:
Hi Higgins,
I love your opinion of undecided voters. That is the Higgins we all know and love. Take care.
I did know that bit about the salt and pepper. My Southern Grandmother beat that shit into us.
Can we just ban the word "folks" altogether? I use it in reference to my parents, but that is all.
"pristine/decimate" just goes to show all Americans are really Paris Hiltons when it comes to vocabulary.
Can we do a time warp back to John McCain of 2002 on the Daily Show? not this mini-me W running around with snide comments about "cronies"? He's become the candidate from Oh Brother Where Art Thou blabbering on about his constituents and sweeping the state clean with his midget sidekick. BAH.
I wonder if Palin can even stand to listen to herself talk. Do the Am people really want a VP who would look at Congress, and say "fiddle dee dee" and "I'll think about that tomorrow?" Seriously?
Sorry, rant over. Cupcakes?
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