I failed the Cosmo Quiz this month

First of all, please don't believe that I am a regular Cosmo reader. One of the little high school girls out here reads Cosmo Girl, and I wanted to show her that it is the exact same rag that Cosmo Grown Woman is (although Glamour is a good magazine).

Anyway, the subject was "How approachable are you?" and the answer is not very. Score: 0-4 points. The words "feral cat" were used, which if you have read this whole blog you will find a chilling coincidence. I guess no one would touch me with a cattle prod, either.

Or any other kind of prod. I'm not getting prodded at all these days.
If you know what I mean.
Heh, heh.

All this to say that the idea that I am a receptionist at a Wuntry Wub where it is criminally stupid to do anything other than be warm and friendly and never say no is pretty damned comical. More so because I'm really good at it.

I receive full points in heaven daily for the things I don't say to people. But since I do have Sarcasm Tourette's they have to come out. Just this week's examples:

Q: Can I speak to Comically Mispronounced Boss Name?
A. One moment. (Transfer to voicemail)
FPH: If you can't speak the name, you may not speak to the name.

Q: I need to talk to a professional.
A: Golf or Tennis?
FPH: Yes, you seem troubled.

Q: I'm the treasurer for the meeting that was out there yesterday and I left the cash and checks on the registration table.
A: Oh, no! Where were you meeting?
FPH: Wow. You are an awesome treasurer.

The point being I don't say these things and many people find me warmly approachable. And the last article I actually read in that magazine suggested that when you have sex outdoors you should wow him by rubbing his taint with a smooth rock.

So it's remarkably easy to forget that I have been criticized by the editors of Cosmo.

FYI: I also failed the Cosmo Girl quiz, "Are you ready for Prom?"