This is just a warning to my vast male reading audience (of precisely one): today is not for you, so unless you wish to know all together too much about your girlfriend's sister, I suggest you avert your eyes.
Is he gone? Good.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I knew if I wore brand new gabardine slacks I would start my period, never mind three days early. I averted disaster but now will spend the rest of the day consumed with Seersucker Paranoia.
Crap.
Obviously I am not in much of a mood for new material today, so those of you on the edge of your seat wondering what I think about Ken Griffey Junior (hint: pro) will just have to wait for oh, about five days.
I give you instead a verse from the vast collection of Country-Western Songs I Have Almost Written (and wasn't I in a bit of a mood the day I wrote this one):
The Ballad Of Bloaty McPad-Pants
Bloaty McPad-Pants
McQuiet, McSullen
Her temper's McSharp
Her wits are McDull. In
her toilet bowl there are
McClotties McFloatin';
Her back is McAchin',
her belly's McBloatin'.
And that's as far as I got before I decided to curl up fetal and do nothing for oh, about five days.
You like that, Sister's Boyfriend? I told you to go away.
As a side note, I got a massage last night and it was the shortest half hour of my life. It took me about 20 minutes just to loosen up enough that she could work on my shoulders. She was appalled. Apparently I am naturally pretty tight and tense. Who knew?
I mean besides everybody.
Oh, I saw a great bumper sticker this week: Yoga Is For Posers.
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3 comments:
Poor, baby. I think I'd just have to go on home and take a sick day. That sucks. You know, of course, that he will not avert and now I will have to.
I guess I shouldn't leave a comment, which would prove that I didn't read your entry, but I had to anyway. How did you know I was still reading? I love your writing, and I can't know enough about my girlfriend's sister. As for the massage, way to go! It would probably take your sister and I much longer to loosen up. By the way, your sister didn't send your blog to me, I went looking for it. As i said before, I love your writing. Hang in there.
told you he wouldn't avert...
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