Oh. My. God.
The conversation I just had regarding directions.
This chick called because she was really lost getting here for the MBA etiquette class (yes, that is a real thing. Picture a bunch of Pacific Rim MBA students trying to grasp the idea of a demitasse spoon, and an etiquette teacher who ordinarily teaches seventh graders: "Okay, stop everyone. Everyone stop. Does everyone see what Yong Ping Pong just did with his napkin? What should we do?"...but I digress. Because it isn't really germane, because this chick was 100% American, as evidenced by her appalling failure to grasp basic geography.)
VERBATIM (please, bear in mind that I just quit smoking. And that I'm not especially nice to begin with. Dumbasses are in blue.)
Hi, I'm supposed to be there for the MBA class, and I'm so lost.
Okay, where are you?
I don't know. It's a highway.
(Moment) Could you narrow it down?
The Loop?
Okay, are you going north or south?
I don't know.
Well, help me out a little.
It's the Proper Name Parkway.
Okay, can you guess where you are on it?
Its the Proper Name Parkway.
Okay, but that's a parkway. I need you to be more specific.
I don't know where I am!!
What do you see?
I'm at a Marathon station. I had to stop for gas and got turned around.
(Pause) You're at a gas station and you don't know where you are.
No, I'm completely lost!
(Long Pause) Have you considered asking the guy?
He's busy!
What a coincidence. Okay, do you see anything distinctive?
Athens Tech?
Oh, great! I know exactly where you are. Turn back around, get on the Loop North.
I'm on the Loop!
No, you're not. Look for the Loop North.
I'm supposed to be on the Loop!
I know you're supposed to be, but you're not. I promise.
I know I saw a sign that said I was on the Loop.
Dear. You got off to get gas, remember?
Okay. Okay...This sign says 78/10.
Very good! Now, you are coming back to the 10 Loop. You'll want to take the Loop North, the exit before you go under the bridge.
What?
The first exit. Before the bridge.
What bridge? I don't see a bridge!!!
I'm trying to tell you what you're going to see. Before you see it.
But what do you mean, before the bridge?
(Pause) ( Rub forehead) (Slowly, as if to a Pacific Rim student with 6 forks) When you get on a ramp, get on the one before the bridge.
What ramp?
Right. Take the one that goes right!
What does the sign say?
I don't know what the signs say, but its gonna be the only two choices there are.
More than one?
Yes, but Don't Panic. You want the first one. North. Right.
I just don't know what you are talking about. Where's the bridge?
(Loooong pause) I think I have exhausted my helpfulness to you. I'm going to transfer you to someone who can be of more help.
The person I transferred her to was on the phone with her for 12 more minutes. At one point she said "Are you on a divided highway?" and the chick said "I don't mean to sound dumb, but I don't know what that is."
You may not mean to, but...
When she walks in the door I will either a) punch her in the face, or b) say "It's okay; no one really considers an MBA an 'advanced' degree anyway."
Gonna be a long day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Oh, for the love of all that is holy. I vote for punching her in the face. You know the meeting will be OVER before she finds the f***ing Wub.
This was beyond funny...this was plain out hilarious. I showed it to my co-worker, Brandon, and he was rolling in his chair, it was so funny. We have stupid customers like this all the time. Brandon says to pick A...punch her in the face. I pick C...reach through the phone and snap her neck. Try to hang in there, and have a nice day.
Post a Comment