Okay, I'm not going to say anything, except I will say this: why, why does the National League always pick the All-Star game to suck on the national stage? I knew Brad Lidge was going to blow that hold, I knew it, because the Atlanta Braves can't get a hit off him for love or money, and the aces are aces against us and asshats against the AL All Star team. Just like I knew Trevor Hoffman was gonna blow it in 2006 (and frankly he has not been the same since).
Dan Uggla eats our regular season pitching up and steals hits from my guys with his defense at second. He has never had a three error game in his life, but he had one last night!
Damn it, dammit, dammit; I really thought I the NL had a chance last night/early this morning; I had even picked my headline: Dog Bites Man.
But I'm not talking about it.
Except I will say this: Russell Martin made two of the shittiest throws to second base I have ever seen in my life, and yet Brian McCann didn't get in the game until the fifteenth frigging inning and never even got to swing the bat. Clint Hurdle is kind of a fucktard. And our All Star manager's team is like 8.5 games back.
But I don't want to talk about it.
Let's talk about this: I am now certified as a first responder. If you fell down hurt or heart attacky or strokey or on fire or bleeding or in diabetic shock I would totally try to help you.
They are pretty much straight up telling us now that you will not save anyone's life with CPR, though. The defibrillators will save your life, but here's kind of a funny story. He asked if I could go get one of the Wub's four AEDs, and it was locked in someones office and when I finally found someone with a key to get it for me, the box was empty of everything but the pads. Which expired two years ago. So my guy died. But, if I had the equipment I would totally save his life.
When I was in middle school my all-time go-to daydream fantasy was that I would push Simon LeBon's kid out of the path of a speeding car and completely save Simon LeBon's kids' life, and therefore become the Queen of Duran Duran and get to go to all the concerts and private plane rides and only let girls who were nice to me hang out and maybe, just maybe get Frenched by John Taylor.
Now my new daydream fantasy is that I will completely save the life of some old rich decrepit fart who has a heart attack in the Fitness Center, and reap serious rewards for heroism and for not watching a millionaire die for the fun of it (can you tell I'm thinking of a particular person?). The best part of this mature daydream fantasy is that it might happen! Probably, even!
So that's my retirement plan; what's yours?
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4 comments:
Well, that's a much better plan than my plan of continuing to put money into my 401(K) and opening a Roth (as soon as I get something to put in it).
I'm not going to talk about baseball, but I will say this little tidbit...I can't wait to see the highlights, even if it's only the guys chewing on tobacco, and joking amongst themselves. I don't know the rules in baseball, so I really don't have anything to say, but I will say this little tidbit...it is so interesting to watch how the umpire will make a call, when a player slides into a base. I wish i had a retirement plan, but right now all I can think of is fishing the pennies(and other coins) out of the Kennedy Center fountains, or any other fountains in D.C. Take it easy, Higgins.
yeah umm, never retiring? i'm on of those people who will spend the rest of their lives paying off their credit card debt from the bachelors and the student loans from the masters. YAY edumacation!
Hmmm, I do wonder which millionaire you speak of. I have a few good guesses :) The Wub. What can I say? We are the model of efficiency.
Your blog makes my day!! Or, early evening as it were.....
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